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Today I have decided to conduct some science. Important science. Real-world, hands-on science. We are going to put the 30-second rule and its standard deviations (five second, 10 seconds, etc.) to the test, using my kitchen floors and some Cheerios and pieces of an overripe banana* as our test subjects.
TEST SUBJECT ONE, CASE DESIGNATE “CHEERIOFIELD”
Results after five seconds: No data. Eaten by dog by the count of four-Mississippi.
Results after 10 seconds: No data. Eaten by dog by the count of two-Mississippi.
(Initiated change in test environment and put the darn dog outside. God.)
Results after five seconds: Completely clean by naked-eye standards.
Results after 10 seconds: Same. Tastes mostly clean as well.
Results after 15 seconds: Same. This is not as thrilling as I anticipated.
Results after 20 seconds: Same. Am clearly a superior floor-sweeper, two degrees from godliness.
Results after 30 seconds: Please. Floors are clearly spotless, am planning to serve next dinner party on them. Which will be helpful, since I haven’t unloaded the dishwasher in like, four days.
TEST SUBJECT TWO, CASE DESIGNATE “BANANA TREK”
Results after five seconds: One (1) cat hair. Hmm.
Results after 10 seconds: Five (5) hairs of assorted species and what appears to be a Cheerio crumb.
Results after 15 seconds: Oh man, that’s gross. Who tracked in the pine needles?
Results after 20 seconds: Where’s that dog? Let’s bring the dog back in. Who’s a good girl? Who is? Who’s a good girl who wants to eat some banana?
Results after 30 seconds: Dog will not eat banana. Possibly because banana now resembles a Tribble. A Tribble who ate crackers and shelled peanuts in bed before reproducing at an alarmingly furry rate.
CONCLUSIONS
I should probably vacuum. And I no longer have enough bananas for banana bread. Thanks for nothing, SCIENCE.
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I laughed so hard reading this that I woke my nursing baby! I too will recycle cheerios off the floor (for the children–hey, cereal is overpriced!), but bananas, not so much! With a crawling baby I am forced to admit the state of my floors is not up to even my lazy standards and sweep at least 3 times a day just so the wee precious girlie doesn’t track crumbs into the carpeted area. Ugh. A confession of my own–my 7 month old speed crawler escaped into the garage (3 year old left the door open) and ATE A BEETLE! Or, rather, I rescued her from actually eating it. The dead thing was being mashed by her toothless gums. First I found a head… then the body with legs and wings in her smiling mouth! Now do I have to vacuum the garage??? Hubby did it a few weeks ago (we have carpet on the laundry are part), but obviously the beetles are dying in our garage at an alarming rate! Better plan–keep baby out of garage–I have enough to keep up with in the house!
This makes me giggle every time. Thanks, Amy!